Waves & Ripples

Calm seas help us observe and reflect upon ourselves. It allows us to see the ripples we have made in the sea of life. It can bring clarity on the direction one should travel. The winds of change are inevitable. As the wind picks up, faith, hope, and love help you ride life’s waves.

Waves come and go. Some waves we ride high and strong. We are able to see the possibilities when riding high on the tall waves. You feel unstoppable. Eventually and inevitably the waves must come crashing down. Waves receding back in the depths of the darkness of the sea leaving the feeling of drowning and being overwhelmed. Do we have the strength to ride another wave? Do we have the strength to pull ourselves out of the depths of darkness? Can we survive the storm?

Storms inevitably come in life. They can either destroy you or make you better and stronger. Storms sometimes sink and destroy ships and souls. All that remains are the ripples the souls have left behind. Love being the longest lasting ripple. You are the captain of your ship. We are only sailing through life for a short time, so love large and make your ripples last for generations.

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Hopes

I had hopes that I could be your sun to help you bloom.

I had hopes that I could be your moon to give you light in your darkness.

I had hopes that I would see the stars in your eyes for the rest of my life.

I had hopes to see your smile forever to brighten up my days.

I had hopes to hold you every day giving me the sense of security.

I had hopes to be able to kiss you every day showing you what is true love.

I had hopes that our deep conversations would lead to a forever connection.

I had hopes to help you heal from your loss and broken heart.

I had hopes to help you focus on the blessings and not the curse.

I had hopes to help you heal the childhood relational wounds.

I had hopes to break your draw to toxic relationships.

I had hopes to show you a healthy relationship.

I had hopes that one day you would say I feel like home.

I had hopes, but I didn’t have you.

The Blessings

The eyes and smiles ….

The deep conversations ….

The opportunity to demonstrate true love ….

The opportunity to learn how to show intimacy to another ….

The opportunity to perform tasks that make their life easier ….

The opportunity to gift items to make their life easier ….

The opportunity to meet new people to bless ….

The opportunity to help another’s healing ….

The opportunity to learn new skills ….

The opportunity to experience the path of the spirit ….

The opportunity to be blessed by blessing others!

Searching For A Love

Searching for a love that lasts

Haunted by love of the past

Then there came a day

I met one I thought would stay

I saw stars in her eyes

Sun glistening off her thighs

The connection felt deep inside

Unfortunately came a change in tide

She was broken by her loss

She suffered at great cost

She had a heart full of pain

She would not love again

Then there came a day

I found love would not stay

Searching for a love that lasts

Haunted by love of the past

Searching for a love that lasts

Haunted by love of the past

Searching for a love that lasts

Haunted by love of the past

TOXIC

Most people think of poison when they hear the word toxic. What about people and relationships? Can we become toxic by whom we associate? Can humans poison other humans with their thoughts, words, actions and energy? Can toxic behavior appear as love to some others? How did the toxicity enter the individual? What is the remedy for toxicity?

There is an expression that says … Birds of a feather flock together. This could have a variety of meanings. Do the people flock together because of their essence, thoughts, words, actions or energy? Can people become something different by the company they keep? It has been said bad company corrupts good character and the need for being equally yoked. Does that mean humans can become like those with whom they associate? It does appear that is the case.

If we choose to hang out with negative people, antisocial, violent, criminals, demeaning, insecure, controlling people, there is a good chance we may become what we loath. There is also a chance if we don’t become the people we associate with, we will become physically ill and/or mentally ill, poisoned by what we are not accustomed.

If you are in a relationship with someone and they are causing you to become physically ill and/or mentally ill, and you think it’s love, you were poisoned before the relationship. If you left a relationship because of the negativity, yet remain friends and co-business operators with the negativity, you were poisoned before the relationship. If you are in a relationship with a violent person and are physically abused, and you think it’s love, you were poisoned before the relationship.

Where do we as individuals receive our first doses of poison? Most times it is from those who are closest to us physically and emotionally …. family. During the early years we are learning survival skills. We are learning to survive hunger, illness, and harmful events. We are also learning about love, security, and safety.

We have people role modelling who, what, where, when, why, and how to handle specific events that humans experience. Love is one of them. Similar to computers and data …. garbage in equals garbage out. If a person has been poisoned in love, that’s all they know and the thought of poison as love will continue….. it feels like home.

What is the antidote to poisoned love? Self-reflection is a starting point. Reflecting on childhood and how love and support were served. Was there secure attachment? How was love demonstrated? Did love hurt or did it bring joy and happiness? Did people you loved leave you feeling abandoned even if they were still in your life? Do you feel the need to control the outside world because your inner world feels out of control? Do you push potential mates away that are good for you because there is no pain associated with the relationship?

When toxic feels like home, healing is important. Coming face to face with the past and setting things on a healthy path is necessary. Recognizing what should be viewed as good and what should be viewed as bad. Conceive what a healthy loving relationship looks and feels like. Believe you can successfully belong to a healthy relationship. Take action to ensure there are only healthy behaviors in a relationship. The more often positive healthy behaviors are practiced, the stronger the antidote will become.

Imaginary Love

I imagine you as beautiful and strong with the capacity to love that can’t be wrong.

I imagine loving each other from the heart, mind, body, soul and spirit.

I imagine our bodies touching tasting squeezing caressing penetrating our souls and becoming one and not fearing it.

I imagine us sitting together watching a sunrise and feeling I won the grand prize.

I imagine us sitting around a fire drinking wine and watching the sunset feeling like my life was all set.

I imagine we would be each other’s inspiration, it felt like it was under Gods direction.

I imagine long deep talks about our future and dreams thinking of all possibilities it seems.

I imagine both serving as each other’s main priority with tremendous unmatched loyalty.

I imagine the security of true love, Gods blessing from above.

I imagine a love that would not shatter, where the opinions of others do not matter.

I imagine a relationship with no fear of abandonment, only one that compliments.

I imagine our two souls as one, enjoying our time together under the sun.

I imagine holding hands through trouble and making our love only double.

I imagine each making an easier life, so much so I would make you my wife.

I imagine both supporting each other as we walk through the unknown, discovering how much we both have grown.

I imagine together we can take on the world.

I imagine us together in the world as heaven on earth.

……. and nothing else matters.

Keep climbing

I do have a competitive spirit. I am competitive within myself. If I ask you how far and fast you run, or how fast and far you bike, or how far or fast on rollerblades, or how much weight you lift, it is more for me to see how high the mountain is to climb. Then I put together a plan for the climb and believe I can make the climb. Passion, patience, persistence, and the ability to roll with the changes will get me to the summit. I will be able to look back and see how far I have come.

Damage

There are times we don’t realize how damaged we truly are. Through circumstances beyond our control, our parents model our future love interest and how we love. It is all we know, whether it’s love, attraction, affection, or lust. Can we accept true love if you have never experienced it in your formative years? Would we recognize true love if we see it? Would true love be to frightening to accept, fearing abandonment?

True love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Can we as individuals offer or accept true love without the spirit of God? The fruits of the spirit are love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, faith. Without the spirit, we live up to the constructs of the societal norms.

Now the works of the societal norms are manifest in these; adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envyings, murders, drunkenness, revelings, and such. These are very prevalent in society today. We are all damaged from these norms in our society.

If damaged, what can heal our hearts, mind, body, soul, and spirit? Only by the healing power of the spirit. The spirit will cleanse and replace the old with the fruits of the spirit and engrave the Ten Commandments upon our hearts. Pray for the spirit and cry out earnestly, humbly for your need, and it shall be answered with faithfulness and righteousness.

Societal norms and constructs are an illusion of how things should be. We look for love in all the wrong places, leading to more pain, suffering and damage. Look to the spirit for healing and guidance, asking humbly for your needs to be met and direction to lead you. Most of all, ask God’s will be done in his infinite divine wisdom.

Exit Signs

On and off again relationship for a year…..

One sided relationship…..

Never wants to meet your family….

Never higher on the priority list than number 5…..

Vacation at Lake Havascrew … rationalized… did the same with 1st marriage. … Likely again.

Never more than every other weekend to spend time together …..

Overwhelmed easily…..

Control issues …. married the only two guys that sit to urinate?  What are the odds?

Divorced first spouse because of negativity, yet went back to associate and run a business with him. Toxic feels like home ….

Negative Ex spouse is always involved serving negative energy that is being absorbed ….

Verbally placed in the same category as the first spouse ….. friends

They become critical and annoyed about little things. Subconsciously comparing me to the deceased spouse.  Not free to be me ……

She confessed the deceased spouse stressed her so much she had physical ailments, but since the death they have disappeared. All she knows is toxic …. she calls love…… toxic feels like home.

Broken hearted from the death of a spouse.

Still grieving and not healed.

Will healing the grief change circumstances and lead to full potential? I am at the door with the exit sign above. Undecided to close the door for good or keep it cracked open to see if the potential is reached. Time will tell the story.

Broken Attraction

Why do bugs fly into the bug zapper? They see a beautiful light not realizing it will kill them.

Kaleidoscope love … when a heart gets broken allowing light to enter, and another sees the beauty of the broken pieces when they look into the person’s heart.

How do we discern the beautiful from the dangerous?

Sometimes love hurts and sometimes love heals.

Dare to care or live in despair.

Life lessons.